fellow recovery bloggers

I am reading Margaux Meade's blog Love In The Time Of Addiction . Such great writing! Seeing her story is making me spin out because it feels so therapeutic to read that someone else has gone through exactly what I went through.
There have been so many times in this recovery where I haven't really been sure if I'm not overreacting. I mean, I know it feels like infidelity but am I just being melodramatic? I know my boyfriend did send a Facebook message to girl he met in a bar saying "I've been looking at your profile pictures and wish I'd spent more time the other night getting to know you rather than getting so drunk"... and that he sent that message in the few hours we didn't spend together that day. Less than 12 hours since we last had sex, less than 12 hours until we would have sex again... at a time when he says he was falling in love with me. But that was the only time he's done that, so am I overreacting? Was it not really cheating? Am I wrong to feel this betrayed? That a time I look back on as being this incredible time of falling in love and not being able to stop thinking about each other was actually punctuated by him having one last attempt at chatting up another girl just because she's got big boobs and wearing a singlet top in her Facebook profile picture?

He hasn't fully said to me that he recognises the betrayal for what I do. He tells me that he feels a huge amount of guilt and shame about his porn addiction, but always says that his rule is that he doesn't cheat, he doesn't do that... he still says he has no memory of ever writing that Facebook message (a moment lost in the midst of addiction) as if that should make me feel better... that he wasn't planning on cheating. It still isn't ok. And since I'm writing about this with such fervour I obviously still feel a lot of pain and anger about it because we haven't had closure about that yet. When I found out, found the message and called him barely able to speak for tears and anger at what he had done, he says it was the worst moment of his life; realising that he had done that and that something he had completely forgotten about could jeopardise his entire relationship with the woman he wants to be with for life. I was away working at the time and we were only able to talk about it over the phone for the next 4 days, whilst I sat in a hotel in Barcelona hardly eating or sleeping, just trying to make sense of this man that I had thought I knew so well.

These posts by Margaux sum up exactly how I felt as well. I wish my boyfriend could read them. It's weird that as time goes on, because we are healing now... it's hard to bring up the old hurts without feeling like we are moving backwards again. I guess it's something I need to think about, because it is still hurting me that I haven't seen him really take responsibility for what it meant... he was just so relieved that I didn't break up with him and decided to stand by him because he is the man I love. It really made me wonder what messages he has deleted though. He says there aren't any... which just goes to show how long a way my trust has to go that I think it would be naieve to believe that.